Surrender

I read a quote a few months ago from a book about India that made tears well up in my eyes when I read it because it is so true for my time here.

"Sometimes you have to surrender before you win. Surrender is at the heart of the Indian experience. I gave in."

I don't believe this statement only applies to India, rather any person who lives in a foreign country. But since I've only traveled to other countries, and lived in India it counts as my Indian experience.

In the beginning, there are so many things I wanted to change and fix and know the reasons for why it's like it is and tell someone (sometimes shout at someone) why and how this could work better. There are scores of things I compared to the U.S. So many things that I thought "my way" was better. But eventually, after many wrinkles, nail biting, and angry flare ups you realize you just have to submit and surrender to have peace or that peace will never come.

Here are some of the things I surrendered to:

Traffic: I've finally stopped moaning, complaining, clawing the steering wheel and honking for long, annoying periods of time to make my point:) I do still have my moments and I do have thoughts of why does it have to be like this but I've learned to relax my face so as not to add to the wrinkles I've gained in the last 3 years from driving around Bangalore:)

Pollution and Trash

Poverty all around: Although I don't think it's good to ever "get used" to poverty and not try to do something to help, it does eventually just become part of your surrounding.

Indian working hours (i.e. Brian's long work hours/week:)

Strangers pinching my childrens' cheeks: I still don't like it but I'm not boiling inside anymore:)

Long, unashamed starring at our family wherever we go

How much I've aged since moving here:)

Lack of infrastructure and the slow process of finishing it (although I've been told the overpasses being built for over a year and the mall that has taken over 3 years near us are going at a fast rate for India:)

Sitting for 20 minutes @ The U-Turn that I've blogged about several times: And don't ya know, now that we are leaving they have cut an opening in the median to make the u-turn more efficient:D You still have to wait, but not as long, to turn around and head in the right direction:)


One thing (and there's certainly more) I haven't yet surrendered too but hoping I can in the next 2 weeks is People Cutting in Line! Oh, it still bugs so bad!! I need order, I need line rules, and 3 people cutting in front of me at the grocery store is like rubbing lemon juice into a sore for me:) I've got to surrender though...got to!!

I'm not trying to belittle or demean India by listing the above things. Like I said, I think this is true of every foreigner's experience no matter what country. There's a whole process that takes place in a new culture. That's why it's called culture shock:) And for all the pain of that process, it leaves so much good.

The Day Came

Today I had to bring myself to tell our housekeeper that we are leaving. I told myself I had to tell her before June (the month we are leaving) so I of course waited til the last day of the month. It was as sad as I thought it would be. There was shock and then tears...from both of us. That set the reality of moving in motion. There's a little pit in my stomach when I think about having to tell her goodbye...along with all the others dear to us.

Mountain Trip

We returned from a week in the Nilgiri mountains on Sunday. We went with our church for its yearly family camp. Then we stayed in the town of Ooty to meet my cousin Brittney who flew in from Texas with a group from her church for a week of missions. It was so fun to get to see her in India! Also on her team were our friends Kevin and Kerry...he was the pastor that married Brian and me and she was my matron of honor. So fun.

Ooty is a hill station city up in the Nilgiri mountains, and Kotagiri, where we stayed for camp, was not far away. The elevation was about 2000 ft and it felt so nice and cool...we needed jackets. It was refreshing to breath fresh air and bond with friends. Ooty is famous for homemade chocolate so we stocked up on it.

It was a fabulous week minus the whole family getting a stomach bug at camp--messy! Haddon also fell off the top bunk during the night:(:( Tramatic. And Kai got his fingers slammed in the car door. All things to be expected with a family of 3 boys:D

We were able to go with my cousin and two other of her teammates to visit a slum village in Ooty. She is a designer of children's clothing and she was able to give away dresses to the little girls of the village. It was overwhelming to see the conditions of the slum (running sewage on the pathways and tiny, dark huts for homes) but so sweet to be able to meet the whole village and cross language barriers with smiles and hugs.

Here are some pictures from camp, Ooty and a few other things we've done lately...visiting an organic farm with our playgroup and Kai playing with a birthday toy.

It's hard to believe that our time here in India is coming to a close. I had to force myself to write this because I'm trying to avoid the thought of goodbye's and the finality of almost 3 years here. I'm pushing it aside and hiding it behind other in-the-moment tasks such as finishing school and going to family camp with our church.

I haven't even had the heart to tell my beloved housekeeper that we are moving!! I can't do it. I will eventually have to bring myself to that point, but I am going to wait a few more weeks because I know every day after that will be a sad one. I admit the biggest reverse-culture shock ahead for me is no longer having house help:D:( , but the real reason I don't want to tell her is because we love her and she just adores the kids. After 3 years, she has just started to call me the more affectionate term "Amma" which means Momma (I take it as a sweet term meaning I am a Mom rather than meaning her mom:) after calling me the more colonial/proper title of "Madame" for years.

The boys and I will be heading to the States next month to visit family and friends for a few weeks while Brian finishes his job in July.

I thought I would try to take a look back at some of the first blog posts to relive the culture shock, confusion, and the comedy (now, not then) of what we experienced when arriving. We have learned so much since then so I'm sure to get some good laughs that I will share with you in upcoming posts. And saying that, even though we've learned some ins-and-outs about living here, it is just the tip of the iceberg. If we lived her our whole lives we still would not know all there is to know about the culture, beliefs and traditions of this vast and amazing country.

Differently Abled

Brian's company outsources data-entry to BPO's (Business Process Outsourcing) in India. One such BPO is Vindhya. It has about 200 employees, 95% of which are disabled or as Vindhya defines it...differently abled. (I like that term better.) Brian has visited this office several times and has brought other leaders to see the work being done there. He said everyone that visits can't help but be moved by the great opportunity being given and the professionalism displayed by the employees. To be disabled in India is much more difficult than it is in western countries. There are very few wheelchair or impaired friendly buildings, restrooms, transportation, etc. To find a job is even harder. The fact that this company is recruiting, training and giving young people secure income and skills is such a blessing.

From Vindhya's website:

"Differently Abled

95% of our 194 staff are differently abled.. but are highly professional & are dedicated to lead their own life. "

Housewarming Party

Yesterday morning I was the spectator of something I hadn't seen before...A Brahmin housewarming party or a "pooja". Brahmins are the highest caste in India. Wikipedia defines Brahmins as "the class of educators, doctors, law makers, scholars, priests and preachers of Dharma in Hinduism".

The following are all assumptions from what I've gathered in our time here so I may be wrong...Our new neighbor is a Brahmin (in the 2nd video he is the guy in the walking circle with a long skirt (lungi) and no shirt. He would normally be wearing khakis and a button down shirt (work attire) but this is a special day. Brahmin boys and men also wear a string around their torso from the top of one shoulder down to the opposite waist which is not visible when wearing clothes but noticeable when swimming in the community pool:)

He and his family just bought this apartment and wanted to have it blessed by the priests and ward away the evil spirits. The priests are sitting in the middle of the living room (1st video) burning a fire for hours, chanting mantras, offering fruits, flowers, etc to the gods. Our neighbor invited friends and family to attend, hence the housewarming part. The ceremony was going on when I woke up and continued for several hours and candles burned throughout the night (with no one attending them. They are not moving in til next month.) In the video you can't make out what the priests look like but for those living outside of India they looked similar to this...It was an interesting morning of starring out my window ( I couldn't help it) and trying to do school:) And I'm pretty certain that some or most of the guests went home sick with smoke inhalation or asthma, because we had to close our windows, normally kept open for air, because the smoke was so strong:) Imagine the inside of that apartment!

The Bell in Bangalore!

Who would have thunk that Bangalore would be bestowed the great honor of having the first Indian Taco Bell restaurant? Our dream has come true!:D Note: your dining standards are lowered when you don't have regular access to native foods:) Therefore Taco Bell has sadly risen to the status of "dream" food in our dining book:)

We drove 2 hours, (which in Bangalore traffic equals 11 miles (no joke)), to visit Taco Bell at Bangalore's newest mall. It was a fun outing and amazing to see the line of people waiting to order out the door of TB the whole time we were at the mall.

The menu was similar to the U.S. just simpler choices. The tastes were recognizable. TB has the first "free refill" self-serve drink machine in India...so that was fun:) I'm a bean burrito fan... and they had it... ironically costing more than in the U.S. and with less filling inside but I was still happy to be eating it. Brian tried one of everything on the menu:) The restaurant was very nice, much nicer than any TB I've seen in the U.S. The menu boards behind the cashier counter were on digital screens that changed pictures and appeared 3-D.

Was it worth the drive...yes. Was it worth the food poisoning...no. Sad to say I was laid out Sunday due to a stomach bug that I suspect was from my bean burrito:( No one else ate a bean burrito and no one else got it thank goodness.Oh well...I'm still happy that Taco Bell is here:)

Stat Glasses

I read two disheartening statistics recently that made me count my blessings...

-40% of the 1 billion people in India (that's 400 million for those who need a calculator like me:) are still not connected to the electricity grid. Which means they have no electricity b/c neither do they have the money for windmill or solar energy.

-Over 58% of Indians have no access to toilets. Globally 1.1 billion people defecate in the open.

I wish I could "wear" these statistics like eye glasses each time I saw something I thought I "needed" or wished I had. They would sharply remind me that..."Wait, I have way more than I need, I am content" and "how can I give?"

Kai is 3

Kai celebrated his 3rd birthday last week. Daddy took the day off for his birthday and we celebrated by going to an amusement/water park. To kick off the day we had yummy cake for breakfast and Kai opened his gifts. He choose Lightening McQueen for his cake. My fabulous cake extraordinaire friend, Sini, can have pictures put on cakes. She used the shot of McQueen mid-air with the "Michael Jordan" tongue sticking out:) And that was one of his gifts as well--a LMQ car with his tongue sticking out:)


We are so blessed to have Kai in our family. He's still the "baby" mostly due to his entertaining (and genuine) baby talk and funny antics. He keeps us laughing. I wish he could stay this age:)

Bollywood Wannabe's

Some of Brian's coworkers have taken up the hobby of film making. First it started with a cell phone camera, then upgraded to a Sony Handycam. They asked Brian and our family to play a part in their latest movie. Brian tried his hand at speaking Kannada, a local language, in the film and did a great job! He doesn't know Kannada but has heard so many coworkers using it that he picked up the accent:) His coworkers and our housekeeper were impressed. So was I:)

Brian plays the American father of an adopted, 20-something, Indian son. My 30 second cameo was dialogue free--thank goodness-- as the American mother blessing our son's future wife. The boys made an appearance in their pj's (Brian's stab at making a horror film a comedy:) (Yes, it is a horror film but thankfully our few minutes had nothing to do with blood or guts:)

The scenes are at an office and then an engagement party. The story is about a middle class guy (our son) who falls in love with his cook's sister (a no-no in India) and becomes engaged to her. We gave him our blessing but the cook/brother, who happens to be the villain, puts on a happy face but then turns psycho and kills everyone (joy:) And then, as only can be done in India, karma comes into play when the son and cook are reincarnated and the son gets revenge on the cook in his second life. Interesting. But I do think it will be a comedy when they premier it at the office because most of the guys at Brian's work really love to have fun and laugh at themselves and each other so this movie will be bringing lots of laughs.

I wish I could have filmed our family's part in the movie as we blessed our future daughter-in-law and then did a typical Bollywood scene of dancing, hand-in-hand in a circle (more joy:) When we get a copy I'll have to post that one!

It was a lot of fun to turn our home into a studio and pretend to be Bollywood stars:) Part of the crew
Director, Cook and Son
Party Decor for the scene--the star is made of strung flowers


One scene:


TAKE 1


TAKE 2


TAKE 3

Haddon's Adoption Day

We celebrated Haddon's 4th Adoption Day this week! This is the day he was officially adopted in front of a Texas judge, although he became our son the day he was born and went home with us from the hospital when he was 3 days old. It works out nicely because his Adoption Day and his birthday are about 6 months apart so he gets two celebrations a year! Here are some pictures from our outing to play arcade games at the mall. You will notice the boys are wearing their dinner on their faces:) Pizza:) And, as with all of our parties here in Bangalore, they are only made complete with a cake from our friend Sini. Haddon chose a Spiderman cake:)

Street Sweeper

I don't think I've ever put a picture of a street sweeper on the blog. From what I understand street sweepers are of a certain caste that can only sweep streets (no other jobs) and unfortunately are seen as the lowest caste. I have only seen female sweepers. Street sweeping is done manually, with a stick broom, even on highways. It is a back-breaking task (although I'm sure their backs are very strong and used to the slumped position, after years on the job). As you can see in the picture, brooms in India are not ergonomically friendly:) Even brooms used in the home are made in this design (except out of dried grass) causing the person sweeping to stoop over. I've never seen a push broom. As anyone who has swept knows that the job of sweeping is never ending...these ladies have job security in any economy.

OFFICIALLY

This week:
We are OFFICIALLY BUCKET BATHERS! Week 1 of conserving water at bath time. The great thing about a bucket bath is it also makes me thankful for hot water. Many people have to take COLD bucket baths. I don't know that I'm that conservative yet to not heat the water:)
Kai is OFFICIALLY diaper-free!!!!! Minus bed time, but that doesn't count to me:) He's had 3 days of outings and has come home dry every time! Praise the Lord!! Up until now I wasn't ruling out that he might be 5 before this happened:) Today we went to the "big" toy store in Bangalore to pick out a "big" toy to motivate him to do #2 on the toilet. 5 times = big toy. He went in his underwear after we got home:DI am OFFICIALLY closer to 40 than I am 30. I hit 36 on Thursday:) I had an amazing day with Brian and the boys. They made me feel like a queen. I'm feeling the weight of my blessings this year, knowing that many of the people around me do not get to celebrate their birthdays--they have to go to work and do the same hard labor they do every other day of the year. And many probably don't know the exact date they were born. Ironically, even with this sober appreciation, I had the most indulgent birthday to date:) My sweet husband took the day off. I had an amazing cake from my dear friend Sini and I ate as much as I wanted:) Had Subway for lunch (a rare occurrence for me here), a pedicure and head massage at a spa that I love and celebrated my third year at Hard Rock Cafe! To top it off my hubby and boys showered me with gifts, balloons, party hats and I didn't have to cook all day! Woohoo! I am so blessed and I am so thankful to be alive and healthy with a wonderful family to share life with. Who cares about getting old, right?!:D

Lessons

Although living in India would be a lifelong of learning for a foreigner, it seems that it comes in waves for me. After the first year of culture shock is under the belt you feel pretty comfortable, know your way around, know where to find a light bulb, know how to somewhat fake an Indian (mixed with Southern U.S.) accent to try to speak to someone on the phone (I haven't had much success with that one) but still surrounding you everyday is a culture, full of traditions and history, that is layers and layers deep...like peeling a never ending onion. The past few weeks have felt like I'm new here all over again. Here are some of the the lessons...

I'm LEARNING about communication and a few ways that "business" works here as a volunteer coordinator to revamp our apartment complex's playground. I'm realizing how little I come out of my "cave" (our flat) because I have not nearly learned the "art" of communicating here even after 2.5 years. In the past week of speaking with management and committee officers I have stayed confused, I've had to ask the same questions atleast 3 times to find out the answer I'm looking for and I'm finding you don't just cut to the bottom line, there are alot of "mazes" and "back alleys" you must go down until you arrive on the same page as the person you are trying to communicate with. These are clear cultural differences that I had no idea existed until now. Good things to learn, but at the same time frustrating. Like Brian told me about his work environment, he has the reputation in the office for being blunt and speaking straightforward...I call it being American:D

I'm LEARNING about water. Simple right? Don't drink the water...that's what I've known in India up until now. Ofcourse I've seen my neighbors in the village behind us carrying the water jugs on their heads back to their homes from the community well (they don't have indoor plumbing, millions here don't). I've seen men and children bathing in the pond behind our complex. My favorite non-profit is Living Water, a Christian organization that sends teams around the world to drill wells for clean water in communities while spreading the gospel as they do it. But not until our apartment complex ran into the challenge of their 6th bore well drying up, and having to pay for 20 water trucks a day to supply water, and seeing the emails exchanged between neighbors on our yahoo group about water conservation, did I realize how wasteful I am, how ignorant I am about resources and how blessed I am. Like my American friend Lisa (who also lives in Bangalore) said about her recent trip back to the States, "I was awed to bathe in drinking water". Americans use gallons and gallons of clean, treated DRINKING WATER every day to bathe, wash their clothes, run over there fruit before eating it, water the lawn, let the whole family each have their own separate 15 minute showers, all without blinking, without thought. It's amazing to me--we have so many resources that we never even think about being thankful for. I didn't know what a "bucket bath" was til I moved here. Most people in my complex take bucket baths (filling up a bucket, turning off the water and using only that water to lather up and rinse off) and these are people who work for companies like IBM, GE, HP, Intel..they are not poor. They just know what it means to conserve. I have so much to learn people!!

I have more that I am LEARNING but this is growing long so I'll finish with this. I learned something I already knew. I pay way more than my Indian neighbors for our house help:) It's called "white tax" which means paying double for everything as a foreigner. I knew I was paying double b/c my neighbor and I share the same housekeeper and I asked her how much she paid her. But I found out that actually I'm paying 8 times more than my friend, also a neighbor. She has a "live-in" housekeeper which means 24 hours of available service. I pay the same amount for 2.5 hours:D But as an American I know that what I pay our housekeeper for a month (6 days a week) is what I would pay a maid for 2 hours of work for one day in the U.S.!! It's all relative right? And to me it's worth every rupee I pay to have the amazing help I do!

Mumbai Trip

Last week we took a family trip to Mumbai. Brian was running in the Mumbai Marathon so we decided to see the sights. It reminded me a lot of New Orleans...charming, historical, lots of energy and... dirty:) With children it's hard to venture out and explore dining, museums, day tours, etc but we did get to see quite a bit and still get in our nap time (great for Mom and Dad too!).

Here are some highlights:

-We saw the CST, the Central train station for the local Mumbai commuter trains. These trains transport around 7 million passengers daily! This is where the closing dance scene from Slumdog Millionaire's "Jai Ho" was filmed.
I really REALLY wish I would have had my video camera on me at the time. We were there at rush hour and as the train pulled into the station to load new passengers men were jumping off the platform into the train doors while it's speeding in to grab a seat. When the train stopped women made a mad dash, running to find a chair. It was like witnessing a game of musical chairs when the music stops and all the children scramble to find a seat. I wasn't expecting this scene to unfold and really didn't know what was going on at first so it was rather humorous to me but to think of commuting 30 minutes to an hour or more each day standing up would make me join the mad dash as well.

-Saw the Gateway of India. It's a large arch that commemorated a king and queen arriving from England in 1911. We took our pictures in front of it and were mobbed by street sellers.

-Walked thru the beautiful Taj hotel that was attacked in November 2008 by terrorists.

-went to Chowpatty beach on Marine Drive, a main boulevard that runs along the bay. We enjoyed people watching while driving up and down this street many times. Lots of locals come to sit on the sea wall to hang out and watch the sunsets.

-We went to the former Prince of Whales museum and a public Aquarium that smelled like urine but the kids loved seeing the fish:D

-We visited Dharavi, a slum city that covers one square mile. Statistics say that over half of Mumbai's 14 million population lives in slums. The pictures that I took do nothing to really show what life is like for these people so if you want to view more realistic photos please go to this website that I stumbled upon with a collection of Mumbai slum photos http://artsytime.com/life-in-slums-of-mumbai/
While there, and seemingly the only foreigners around, we gained friends along the way, some of whom I took pictures of and included in the album below (yes, white lady WITH camera around her neck...can you say TOURIST!)

Brian did great in his marathon race! The best part was that he was finishing the same time as the elite runners were coming in (who started an hour later for more running space) so it looked like Brian came in 2nd place when we saw him near the finish line:D Some people came up to congratulate me that my husband came in 2nd:D Actually Kenyans came in first and second:) But the average onlooker didn't know this:D

So here's to Mumbai:

Random and Pictures

Here are pictures from our trip and a few random notes:

-After 2.5 years I discovered a post office about a mile from our house! This beats driving and waiting in line for 45 minutes there and back to the other post office. The only problem is when I went for stamps they were out:) Not sure how a post office can not have stamps but the clerk said to come back in 2 days:)

-I spotted a car with 2 marvelous and rare statements in India on its rear windshield...one giant sticker stencil running the width of the window saying "Praise the Lord" and a bumper sticker of the Texas flag and "Don't Mess With Texas". Beautiful. And we saw the car again 3 hours later on our way back home...easy to spot:)-We have been blessed with a new cafe near Brian's work that has BEEF burgers. This will eliminate our frequent hamburger outings that take an hour one way in traffic to reach. And to top it off they have hummus and pita bread for an appetizer. We've been there 3 times since last Saturday:D

Back to Bangalore

I can't believe it's been almost a 2 month hiatus from blogging! And really I don't know where to begin with describing our fantabulous trip to the U.S.!!! From the uneventful (good thing) flights there and back to the hugs and visits with family and friends to eating as much fajitas as I could squeeze in, it was just bliss.

Some highlights somewhat chronologically...
-only changed one diaper on the airplane there and one on the way back...MIRACLE!:)
-Thanksgiving feast with wonderful family
-First Black Friday shopping ever with my dear sister Elizabeth...not as crazy as I thought it would be and I had jet lag so I was up at 4:30 anyway:D
-Corban's first hunting trip with Paw Paw
-Roasting hotdogs and smores over a backyard fire
-Getting a hair cut after a year of no cuts:)
-Dinner with high school friends
-Ice skating
-Boat riding
-Driving around in my angel aunt's jeep Cherokee with the luggage packed to the ceiling...we couldn't see out the back window the whole 6 weeks:)
-Corban lost his first tooth
-A whirlwind trip to Pearland to visit dear friends
-The boys getting to take real baths in real bathtubs:)
-Eating wonderful food everyday whether it was baby carrots out of a bag already washed and peeled or bean burritos from Taco Bell or Christmas lunch with pies we savored it all
-Hanging out with Brian's college buddies--I don't think there's a more fun group of guys
-Making Christmas cookies and a gingerbread train
-Going to the family farm in west Texas...four-wheeler, throwing rocks in the pond, shooting fireworks, wide open spaces
-Celebrating Christmas with so many people we love
-Receiving way more Christmas gifts than we deserve
-Walmart:)
-Not a good highlight but poor Brian got swine flu and was in bed most of his 2 week trip. It was really, really sad

-AND most of all seeing all the wonderful people that we love so much. I just can't even imagine a better Thanksgiving and Christmas than what we had this year with our family and friends. Thank you to Ben and Alice, Brendan and Brad for flying to see us, to all those that drove in from out of town to meet us and to all who welcomed us into their homes (including the noise level we bring along:). We loved every minute of being with you. A huge thank you to my generous father-in-law who blesses others so amazingly because the Lord has blessed him. And to my aunt Carlisa who lent us her car for 6 weeks and her house for a few nights sleep...what an incredible sacrifice.

Bangalore is warm and welcoming. I knew we were back in India on our way home from the airport as the cab driver weaved in and out of transport trucks (India's form of 18 wheelers) as I was cringing:D The best drivers in the world live here! It was nice to wake up to the sight of women in bright sarees and flowers blooming out our windows. It was wonderful to see friends at church on Sunday.The unpacking is done and we are back to our normal routine, filled up with joy from getting to be in both of our "worlds"...home (U.S.) and home (Bangalore).

Pictures coming in next post...